Ways to Help Communication with your Teenager

By: Dr. Shirin Nooravi

Communicating with a pre-teen or teenager can often be challenging. They are at a phase of life in which many changes occur that you both might find confusing as your child begins to blossom into an adult. Here are some helpful hints to improve your communication with each other. It may be tough during this time with your adolescent but you will get through it.

Communication Helpers:

·         Remember to spend some time together. To a teen at this time friends are more interesting but that doesn’t mean family isn’t at all.

·         Make sure to have alone time with your adolescent and if they decline, remind them that frequently that you are there if they ever need to talk.

·         Respect your adolescent’s opinions and feelings. Even if you can’t help, reassure them that you understand.

·         Getting angry with your adolescent is alright; be sure not to be critical of them or their character but instead criticize their actions. Refer to “I” statements, not “you”.

·         When speaking with your adolescent try to watch and listen without interrupting them

o   Make sure you understand them completely by rephrasing what they are saying

o   Disagreements happen, just be respectful if you have a different opinion than them.

o   Set a time to talk if you don’t have time that moment.

·         Don’t fret over small things. Teens often go through a phase of rebellion, so let them chose how to express themselves with their hairstyle, clothes, etc. Note though of music, movies, and video game ratings that your child is exposed to and the messages they convey.

·         Feel free to share mistakes you have made both as a parent and an adolescent.

·         Your adolescent needs a parent, so be a parent first not a friend. Separation from you is a part of development at this age, it’s nothing personal.

·         Teach healthy problem solving by example: With your adolescent be willing to compromise and work toward solutions.

·         Setting limits is a form for caring. There must be rules so don’t be afraid to set them, despite the few days of discomfort that might follow.  

·         Keep communication open, if you find it difficult take notes or just listen.

·         Contact your pediatrician if there is difficulty with your adolescent. She/he might be able to help.